Believe it or not, I finally watched “The Dark Knight” yesterday. It was specifically to witness the late Heath Ledger’s performance. As I expected, he was extraordinary - I felt creepy, uncomfortable and disturbed - which was awesome! Since this article is not about the movie per se, I’ll keep my comments about everyone and everything else to myself - I was able to let that all loose at the dinner table.

Ledger as the Joker
As I watched, listened and felt Ledger transform into the sinister role of the Joker, it made me think about something else very frightening. Many artists, at some point in their career must face the horrifying question, “will I ever live up to this performance?”. And I began to wonder and speculate whether Ledger was fearfully looking into the grotesque face of the Joker and asking himself this very question. Artists in general are constantly battling self doubts, insecurities and feelings of not being good enough. The pressure to create something new or surpass a previous performance can be intensely suffocating. These feelings and emotions are real and not for dramatic affect. Ask any painter, musician, writer, actor etc. and they will all agree the self doubts have the ability to cripple you - if you let it. Did the vicious side of the art world get the best of Ledger?
When you are just starting out in any art form you are blessed with the adventurous purity of being a discover. For years while creating early works we are constantly experimenting, and trying things out. Allowing curiosity to drive and see what works and what doesn’t. Often times, it is during this discovery phase of our career that the rawness and uncertainty within our work is the most endearing aspect. Slowly, however, we begin to cross over to borrowing against our previous experiences and using a bit of this and a bit of that. The voice of the discoverer gets softer while the experienced and more mature artist takes center stage. And yes, of course, the mature works are magnificent, but they lack just a hint of something pure. But the entire process in and of itself is meant to happen - it is it’s own life cycle.
Unfortunately, for so many artists, the reality is just too much. The list of creative casualties is an exhaustive one where the fear became too great. But as the big Hollywood quote in the movie goes, “you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain”. Did Ledger live and die by this?

